TEAMS 2001-2002
 1897 The Golden Year
 1FC Laundromat
 Aoife's XI
 A Taste of the Raj
 Athletico Salford
 Billy's Boots
 Birmingham Shitty
 Bill S Preston North End
 Clint Bizzell Juniors
 Crazyhorse FC
 Crumbs DM
 Duck United
 Feck-Arse-Nil FC
 Gazton Villa
 Hicky's Heroes
 Keane As Mustard
 Lion of Vienna Sleeps

 Luke Perry All-Stars
 Partick Duffy Thistle
 Oh Sheffield
 Roísíns XI
 Salford Strokers
 Soft Centres
 Spakatak Toxteth
 Supersonic FC
 The Darling Dubs That

 The Lone Rangers

 Torpedo Bermondsey
 Woodbourne Rovers

 Teams 2000-2001
 Teams 1999-2000
 Gary's Dance




Last poll:
Who has been the biggest waste of money so far?

1. Jaap Stam
27 votes (18%)

2. Sergei Rebrov
23 votes (15%)

3. Mark Schwarzer
21 votes (14%)


Age: 28

Occupation: Advertising Account Executive ( That's a jumped up sales rep)

Reason for knowing Gary or Neil: I first became acquainted with Gary when his pants beat me in an election at the LSE. Neil was pretty hard to miss, what with his Atomic Half Buiscuit Riders, or whatever student indie band T-shirt he was wearing. I also drank in the tuns quite alot. More recently the connection has been through Rob, who is better at staying in touch with old college people than me.

Clothing measurement of Choice: 32" waist, 32" inside leg.

Fascinating fact: Wembley turf came from a village a few miles from where my parents live.

Teams: Torpedo Bermondsey

How come you support Chelsea all of a sudden?? I've supported Chelsea since my first year at LSE, when I was blinded by the evangelical zeal of James Shield. The Blues were crap then, crap enough for me to avoid glory hunter jibes from workmates now.

But didn't you support Carlisle United at LSE? I still do support Carlisle. As Chelsea and Carlisle have met once in over 25 years, I see no conflict. I rarely go to Carlisle games any more, but the soap opera which is England's worst club keeps me gripped week in week out.

Have you ever seen a UFO or was that just a figment of Michael Knighton's imagination? Do not mention the name of the anti-christ in my presence. I have never seen a UFO, but many people in the Carlisle area have, suggesting it is a centre of cosmic activity. Heavenly intervention may also be the reason for our miraculous escapes from relegation recently.

How many times a day do you email Rob Hick? Slightly less often than he emails me.

Is that all? That's still quite a lot, upto 20 times in a single day. The process starts with Rob sending a lengthy and lucid email to our loop about how liverpool really won when they lost to chelsea 3-0 earlier in the season, about how chelsea will be in the unibond league in 3 years time, and about how he wants to suck Robbie Fowler's cock. This message is usually about 2000 words long and quite well written, with a spell check, separate paragraphs and everything. The standard of writing quickly descends and by 4 in the afternoon we are trading crude insults about the vaginal hygiene of our mothers.

So why do you want to torpedo Bermondsey? I don't. I live in Bermondsey, which is fine apart from the number of Millwall fans. I used to think torpedo Moscow was a fantastic name for a footy club, so I nicked their prefix.

If you had a gun but only ten bullets, which of your players would you spare? This comes down to a tough choice between Lucas Radebe and Gus Poyet. I like Radebe because he scores points for me and has always been underated. I felt very smug when I saw that no-one else had picked him, taking it as a sure sign of my unique ability to recognise true talent. Gus would have to be the one to live though. He is Chelsea's best player and gives his all every time, even if he has scored fuck all points this year.

And which one would most likely get shot ten times? Ole Gunnar Solskjaer. Manchester United's only crap player. I almost chose Teddy instead......ah well.

Apart from Rob, who do you most want to beat? Callum. I don't know the man, but everybody was in awe of his ability during the summer. Also Cory, which shouldn't be difficult.

Who is the spawniest git in this year's dreamteam? Duck utd seem to have lucked out a bit. Anyone with Silvinho or Sheringham

What has irritated you the most in the last week? Having to work for a living.

One final question, Shaun Goater. Why? I built my team from the back, leaving money tight for strikers. I decide to lash out an extra million and go for Solskjaer rather than Sherringham (boo hoo), leaving a motley crew of 2 million men from which to choose. City had not signed Wanchope, I didn't think Weah would stay and "The Goat" banged a few away last year. Those with any knowledge of nationwide footy have been ribbing me ever since.

Clare Devaney
Ron Voce
Ashish Shah
Duncan Bryson
Nick Fletcher
Dave Nicholson
Nity Raj
Simon Stoker
Craig Hickson