I hate Les Ferdinand with a passion. Every year someone emerges that really gets on my tits - usually because he's not in my team and his scoring for the opposition. Last year it was Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink, the year before, Gus Poyet. In fact, Les Ferdinand is the first player that I've really taken exception to that doesn't play for Chelsea.

I hate Lest Ferdinand on many levels. First off, I hate him because he's not injured. Second, I hate him cos he keeps scoring goals (jammy tap-ins according to a Spurs fan in my office) and last, but by no means least, I hate him because he is keeping Sergei Rebrov out of the Tottenham side - essentially destroying my chances of achieving anything of note this season. I've only got myself to blame.

Team spirit at Chelsea has reached new levels this season

Back in pre-season, as I was trundling off to watch Keith Stevens' second Testimonial game at the Den (Millwall vs. Tottenham Hotspur, in case you're wondering) I turned to my auntie and uttered the immortal words: "If Rebrov scores today, I'm going to stick him in my Dreamteam." Of course, Rebrov went and scored. He was also kicked all over the pitch by Messrs Nethercott, Dyche and Livermore and had to be substituted at halftime. I should have taken it as a sign. On came "Sir Les" and scored what proved to be the winner minutes later. Come the start of the season, Rebrov was still out and the rest is history.

I always make appalling starts to the season, but this year has been particularly bad and my cause hasn't been helped by the absence of Gary Rowett of Leicester City (except for the high scoring games of course) and the sale of Jaap Stam after five minutes. I refuse to give up, however, and expect to storm up the table shortly after Christmas having dabbled in the Transfer market with all the guile and cunning of Barry Fry on Deadline Day. Until then, I'll have to settle for mid-table mediocrity or offer a substantial award for Les's head.

And so to this week's scores. The biggest winner was Rob Hick and 1FC Laundromat who notched up a new Dreamteam record of 93 - the highest ever weekly total in the history of the League - thanks to the goal scoring exploits of just about everyone in his team but most notably Matt Jansen of Blackburn and Svensson of Southampton. Naturally they moved up the table but the score was only good enough for third place, behind Keane As Mustard in second and Crumbs DM in first. Spakatak Toxteth also had a good week with 68 points to move them up into fifth and nudge the Salford Stokers out of a money spot.

Patrick Duffy Thistle are somehow still in 15th place despite everyone around them moving about as if they've all got ants in their pants while at the bottom Hicky's Heroes continue to make slow but steady progress and have moved up to 27th. From small acorns big oak trees grow.

Birmingham Shitty, on the other hand, seem to be returning to the habits of old and are falling faster than a debutante's knickers on prom night. But because Dave is such a caring sharing bloke, he's taken Nity with him. Duck Utd are still 29th while Oh Sheffield remain firmly rooted at the bottom. Bets on just how many points they'll score over the course of a season are now being taken.

That's enough waffle for this week. Enjoy the table (which arrived late and meant I went down the pub instead of putting it all together.)

POS	TEAM	PTS	SC
1	CRUMBS DM	733	66
2	KEANE AS MUSTARD	693	59
3	1FC LAUNDROMAT	689	93
4	SUPERSONIC FC	685	65
5	SPAKATAK TOXTETH	659	68
6	SALFORD STROKERS	656	44
7	GAZTON VILLA	634	50
8	RÓISÍNS XI	633	60
9	1897 - THE GOLDEN YEAR	629	60
10	FECK-ARSE-NIL	629	52
11	LUKE PERRY ALL-STARS	607	57
12	TORPEDO BERMONDSEY	602	49
13	SOFT CENTRES	566	52
14	CLINT BIZZELL JUNIORS	535	53
15	PATRICK DUFFY THISTLE	527	31
16	AOIFE'S XI	526	43
17	ATHLETICO SALFORD	516	43
18	THE DARLING DUBS THAT PLAY	515	17
19	CRAZYHORSE FC	510	22
20	BILL S PRESTON NORTH END	508	27
21	WOODBOURNE ROVERS	506	47
22	BILLY'S BOOTS	493	35
23	LION OF VIENNA SLEEPS TONIGHT	490	28
24	BIRMINGHAM SHITTY	488	28
25	WHATEVER	486	44
26	A TASTE OF THE RAJ	473	25
27	HICKY'S HEROES	441	44
28	LONE RANGERS RETURN	420	13
29	DUCK UTD	397	31
30	OH SHEFFIELD	234	9