Greetings pop pickers and welcome to yet another run down of your favourite hit parade. With all the movers and shakers in this week's chart accounted for, let's not waste time anymore time with boring intros and get straight down to it. Not 'arf.

In the early 1970s a pop phenomenon from the Emerald Isle hit the charts with a vengeance, notching up a Worldwide Number One with 'All Kinds of Everything'. Thirty years on and the Dreamteam has finally found its very own Dana in the form of Liz O'Reilly. And this week, her players tried all kinds of everything themselves to leave her and Shamrock United sitting pretty on the shoulders of world domination - or 4th place to be exact - after notching up the week's highest score of 57.

Kenny Dalglish has been trying to forget the early 1970s...

Close behind in the high scoring charts we have our very own rocker from the Seventies, Ron Voce, who, let's face it, was strutting his stuff down the local high school disco the first time around. Yep, this creature from the murky world of Glam Rock has forged a team in the image of Slade with Bill S. Preston North End. Bad haircuts, terrible dress sense and an inability to spell have come together in the form of Rio Ferdinand, Warren Barton and Paul Scholes to leave Ron "feeling the noize" in 7th place.

Still in first place are St. Reatham FC, led by the genial LSE employee Mark Darnbrook. Although he is sitting pretty in first place, his lead has been cut to two points and, having hit the dizzy heights of top spot so early, St. Reatham may find it hard to follow up on their initial success and sustain the course. Hence you can't help feeling that there is something very Bay City Roller-ish about them and come next may, they could end up like the Scottish pop stars - bankrupt and out of favour with the kids. Which could leave the door open for Suzi Quatro, ahem, Karen Wise. The Queen of Rock could well rocket up Devil Gate Drive and claim the title for herself, leaving her Prog Rock loving boyfriend crying over his Focus LPs...

Having something of a mixed bag this week was the Wizzard of Drivel, Nick Fletcher. Both his teams dropped down the table this week, despite notching up modest scores. Freakin Last were leapfrogged by A Taste of the Raj (or Little Jimmy Osmond as we like to call him) while 1897 - The Golden Shower lost out to Supersonic FC. Has Nicola finally shaken off her miserable form of recent weeks to challenge the leaders and reach the Wuthering Heights? Only time will tell...

But where does that leave the rest of the league? Well, I suppose Ash's 70s equivalent would be T-Rex - always near the top but never sure of what is lying in wait just around the corner (a tree maybe?) - While the Sunday Stroolers are the Boomtown Rats - young Irish upstarts forever demanding your "fooking money" if the LSE grapevine is to be believed.

Further down, we have Spakatak Toxteth and Ms Clare Devaney - the Siouxsie Sioux of the Dreamteam. Her banshee-like wail has sent shivers down the spine of many a contestant, however, at the moment her bark is louder than her bite, and unless Franny Jeffers starts scoring, she'll always sit outside the Top Ten. Callum Campbell, on the other hand, is keeping quiet after last year's runaway success, a bit like Mud used to do in their heyday. But if his players find their Tiger Feet during December, he could make a swift return to the top of the table. If this happens, its gonna be lonely this Christmas for The Porcelain Horse...

The Luke Perry All-Stars could best be described as Sweet. This erstwhile hell raiser is having something of a blockbuster of a season after last year's indifferent campaign. Close behind in the glam stakes are Billy's Boots. Sparks anyone?

And what of the rest of the rabble in the bottom half of the table? Just like the Seventies, the second half was no where near as good as the first half but it does half its moments. Rob Hick is obviously the Johnny Rotten - swimming against the tide and always causing anarchy - which would probably make Torpedo Bermondsey and Scruffy Dunc the Clash, forever arguing over who actually has the better sound...

After that, it's all one hit wonders and forgettable outfits, who hoped to make it big but will forever be remembered for offering up one good week and little else. The Lone Rangers are therefore Racey while Athletico Salford could best be described as Chicory Tip, if only because I never thought I'd be writing about 'Son Of My Father' on this website.

But what of Cory Talent and Dave Nicholson? One of them has to be Alvin Stardust, I'm afraid, and after much deliberation, the honour of being my coo-ca-choo goes to Dave, if only because he bears a passing similarity. No really. Cory is therefore Plastic Bertrand. Just because his team is crap and Belgian. Probably.

And myself? Well, for Crazyhorse FC read Jilted John. After one good week, much was expected in the follow up but nothing arrived. Instead, we're left with the memory of a catchy tune that was slightly different but always good to dance to at parties...

Here's the table.