Hello and welcome to this week's Dreamteam report with me, Neil Andrews writing it. Well it's been an amazing week this week for Gazton Villa and I, Neil Andrews remember, wish him all the best. Gazton Villa scored an amazing 412 points this week to take them into first place. Personally I (Neil) think we may as well just give him the money now, as he is certain to win. How about it everyone?

Ah well, enough of the fantasy, I'll get to the football. As is my tendency, I'll be starting at the bottom. Which is where you'll find Patrick Duffy Thistle. Cory will undoubtedly be hoping to find out whilst showering that this season has just been a dream. Admittedly most of his team aren't playing at the minute, but when some of his key players return from the Special Olympics you can be sure they'll be racing up the table. In their wheelchairs.

Like all Delaneys, he's tall, thin, athletic and good looking. But unfortunately crap at football.

Ron Voce's Soft Centres are stuck at 25th. The cursed second last slot where you don't get your money back and can't convincingly pretend that you wanted to lose really. This slot is for true losers only. Best not mention how I did last year...

Villa Rejects are doing badly at 24th, which is pleasing. Manager Dave's other team Birmingham Shitty are also in the relegation battle. Is he a future England manager in the making?

At the top of the table is the Shah-man, Ash, with this week's highest score of 58 (bastard!). Thanks to this, he is go-karting away from the rest of the pack. This is all the more remarkable considering that he has losers Dion Dublin and Dwight Dorke up front, if it wasn't for that it would all be over for the rest of us. If Ash wins the competition he intends to spend the money on a first-time visit to Old Trafford…not bad for a life long Man U fan. He just needs to double-check which is the nearest tube stop first.

The Luke Perry all stars maintain their title challenge in second place and are only 10 points behind the leaders. Hello Simon!

In third place there's always a warm 'reception' for Richard Mulcahy as the Sunday Stroolers (not strollers) keep the pressure on the leaders.

Freakin Last are up one place to 4th. Manager Fletch is one of the many Dublin based players in this year's league and has turned his back on three lions and now supports Ireland instead. Clearly the luck of the Irish is with him this week, but as about half of the other players have that too it may not be enough. Let's hope this good fortune also works if you have an Irish surname but are otherwise about as Irish as Oliver Cromwell. Fletch's old lady Liz also had a good week with Shamrock United clocking up 52 points but with lots of good teams in the top 10 this wasn't enough to rise above 7th notch on the slippery pole (are you trying to say she's a lap dancer, Gary?).

Duck United are up one place to 5th thanks largely to the efforts of Teddy Sheringham, undoubtedly the best value player this year. I'm not just being nice about Karen's team because she's my girlfriend by the way. I also think that whoever helped choose such a good team (whoever it may be) is deserving of half of any winnings. It's only fair really. By the way love, for tea tonight I'd like a chicken bhuna and can you please iron my purple shirt for tomorrow. Thanks, pet.

Spakatak Toxteth had either a good bad or indifferent week. Frankly I can't remember and I don't have the scores with me as I write this report at the Birdcage pub in Stoke Newington on Monday lunchtime. I only mention Clare's team because she'll moan otherwise.

Mark's team 'St Reatham' are doing well in 5th, or something like that anyway. His team were originally to be called Barmby Wanks Cats but that was too rude for the web apparently. You will not be surprised to learn he is an Everton fan.

Oh, and Billy's Boots had a crap week.

Normal service will be resumed next week…

Love Gary