Yep, it's Tuesday morning, and as I write this epic tome, I can honestly say that I am still pissed from the night before. I don't expect rhyme or reason to play a dominant part in this report but I'll give it a shot anyway…

First off, the bacon and sausage sarnie that I'm scoffing in a futile attempt to feel better is very nice indeed but I think I put a bit too much ketchup on it. Anyway, it's raised my spirits enough to tell you all that Karen is still top of the Dreamteam and is attempting to do "the double". Her top spot placing for Duck Utd means she's through to the Second Round of the Cup already, primed for a Giant-Killing Cup exit, me thinks…

Oooh, the magic of the Cup can be so special...

In second place we have Bill S Preston North End with 660 - a leap of four places with a score of 67. Now this confused me, as Ron's team didn't have a particularly good week - in fact three of his players scored minus points and when I totaled his weekly score up, it only came to 19. Having watched one too many episodes of the X-Files I started formulating all these conspiracy theories but after much head scratching, I decided to go back over his scores last week and discovered that I'd only given him 8 points for Nicky Barmby…He should have been in Second place all along. Ooops.

Highest scorer of the week was last year's Champion, Callum. The Porcelain Horse scored 45 points, thanks largely to Ray Parlour's hattrick. At the other end of the scale, both Freakin' Last and the Luke Perry All-Stars could only manage a paltry four points each. Supersonic FC moved back into the Top Ten with a score of 35 while Billy's Boots have lost their kick over the past few weeks and have fallen to 20th spot. Elsewhere, wannabe-Yank Clare Devaney is still doggedly holding on to 15th place with hand on the Fair Play award. And for some strange reason, those in 21st to 24th place all decided to score 15 points.

Biggest loser of the week was Ash. He fell two places and misses out on a bye to the Second Round of the Dreamteam FA Cup. Freakin' Last just managed to avoid the First Round Draw by the skin of his teeth. The draw will be made on Wednesday by David Davis at FA Headquarters in Soho Square. Oh alright, the draw will be made on Wednesday at the Namco Centre by who's ever around at the time.

That's it for this week, sorry for the delay. But it's Christmas and drinking loads takes priority. See you all Wednesday, hopefully.