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Last poll:
Who has been the biggest waste of money so far?


1. Jaap Stam
27 votes (18%)

2. Sergei Rebrov
23 votes (15%)

3. Mark Schwarzer
21 votes (14%)

 
 
TORPEDO RISING, DUCK AND COVER

With just under four months of the football season remaining, the question that begs to be asked is "Can anyone catch Karen?" At first glance, the answer would seemingly appear to be no, but lurking in the depths below, just outside the Top Ten, is a team rising faster than a Scud missile.

For the past few weeks, Torpedo Bermondsey have been moving up the table largely unnoticed. Having been stuck in the bottom five for most the season, many would have written their chances off, but then all of a sudden, they hit a purple patch of form. Shaun Goater - stop that giggling at the back - came back from injury and started scoring and Ole Gunnar Solskjaer made the most of his opportunity at Manchester United to bang a few in. Now, thanks to some devious transfer dealings, they're on course to upset the odds and overtake Karen at the top of the league.

Clean through on goal, Shaun Goater foolishly decided to juggle the ball...
Not matter what Teddy Sheringham does from now on, it won't help Karen in the slightest - Duncan has him too - and of the two, Torpedo Bermondsey has the inform midfield. In the end, it is all gonna come down to the goal scoring efforts of two players - Marcus Stewart (Torpedo Bermondsey) and Paulo Wanchope (Duck Utd). Can Karen hold on, or will Duncan pull off an unlikely victory?

Not if the chasing pack have got anything to do with it. St. Reatham FC remain strong while the Luke Perry All-Stars are fighting back. Bill S. Preston on the other hand seem to be going backwards. At the bottom, the good form of Ugo Eghiou has hit Dave's hopes of reclaiming that tenner since he moved from Villa Park and the threat of Mark Bosnich actually playing a game between now and May. The Soft Centres return to their natural habitat at the bottom of the pond after just one week…

Top scorers this week were Gazton Villa (drug check) and Athletico Salford - another team on the rise after a poor start - who both notched up 51 points. Lowest scorers were Crumbs DM, with a modest 17.

That's it for this week. We're all off to get pissed at Nity Raj's wedding. Here's the table (for six at Lineker's Indian Restaurant)…

POS TEAM PTS SC
1 DUCK UTD 921 48 £
2 ST. REATHAM FC 859 46 £
3 LUKE PERRY ALL-STARS 819 34 £
4 BILL S PRESTON NORTH END 819 29 £
5 SUNDAY STROOLERS 806 48  
6 FREAKIN' LAST 792 50  
7 SUPERSONIC FC 779 28  
8 GAZTON VILLA 764 51  
9 CRUMBS DM 730 17  
10 THE PORCELAIN HORSE 721 47  
11 TORPEDO BERMONDSEY 707 50  
12 SHAMROCK UNITED 703 27  
13 ATHLETICO SALFORD 694 51  
14 A TASTE OF THE RAJ 694 24  
15 RUSHDEN ANNE DIAMONDS 687 33 £
16 1897 - THE GOLDEN YEAR 665 24  
17 SPAKATAK TOXTETH 661 39  
18 LION OF VIENNA SLEEPS TONIGHT 661 18  
19 BILLY'S BOOTS 635 32  
20 MICHAEL BOLTON WANDERERS 599 18  
21 CRAZYHORSE FC 587 27  
22 PATRICK DUFFY THISTLE 580 28  
23 BIRMINGHAM SHITTY 579 27  
24 THE LONE RANGERS 569 29  
25 VILLA REJECTS 464 29  
26 SOFT CENTRES 457 22 £