Well, that's it. Ash has apparently accepted the fact that in this life he is never going to be a winner and conceded the title to Mark with two league games, an FA Cup final and a possible Champions League final to go and unless Ryan Giggs scores three hattricks over the next fortnight, Keane As Mustard will indeed be crowned as champions. They'll also have done the Dreamteam's first ever double to boot.

Now, if it were up to Ash, we'd all de-camp to the nearest pub and let Mark get the beers in but the rest of us are still fighting for what's left and now the top two places have been settled, there's an almighty scrap taking place for third and fourth, not to mention the Fair Play Award. 1FC Laundromat and Soft Centres are in the driving seat at the mo and unless Rob does an "Ash" and screws up completely, he's pretty certain of a placing. Ron on the other hand is going to have to fight off Spakatak Toxteth's overtures if he is to hang on to his £10…

Small Heath - God's Country, apparently...

Having held on to 15th spot for the past couple of months, Hicky's Heroes have taken something of a nosedive since the last update and now find themselves in 20th spot. They've been replaced by Feck-Arse-Nil from across the water but in this game nothing is certain and Crazyhorse FC have begun to finally show their true colours and are threatening to nab the prize from the grasp of the rest of the also-rans.

At the bottom, the Lone Rangers Return look safe for the Wooden Spoon with Oh Sheffield having all but blown their chances by actually improving his team during the transfer window. Their nearest challengers, Duck Utd, who made such an impressive debut last term, were in with a shout at one stage but an upturn in Ole Gunnar Solskjaer's fortunes have seen Karen pull clear of the bottom and she is now mathematically safe from trouble. And the return of her £10 entry fee. (She did pay, didn't she Gary?)

And there we have it. After months of worry, stress and fretting over the form of Phil Neville, it's nearly all over. For many, it is the familiarity of what could have been, for others it will be the satisfaction of knowing that the fruits of their labour have paid off in one way or another. So now what? If you're interested in coming back next year and challenging for the title, let me know. If you can't wait that long, I'm sure The Sun will be running a Dreamteam Competition for the World Cup…

Sorry this report hasn't been more inspired but I've just recovered from being led around the back streets of Birmingham by the West Midlands Police force. I'm sure there are more interesting Magical Mystery Tours but according to one officer, this was "God's Country". It must have been a bad day of the office when the Almighty created Small Heath…

Here's the table (which doesn't include the Bolton vs Arsenal match from last night).

POS	TEAM	PTS	SC
1	KEANE AS MUSTARD	1718	200
2	CRUMBS DM	1621	128
3	1FC LAUNDROMAT	1503	183
4	SOFT CENTRES	1477	149
5	SPAKATAK TOXTETH	1476	169
6	TORPEDO BERMONDSEY	1419	178
7	1897 - THE GOLDEN YEAR	1415	124
8	SUPERSONIC FC	1315	81
9	ATHLETICO SALFORD	1373	151
10	SALFORD STROKERS	1367	115
11	AOIFE'S XI	1361	127
12	GAZTON VILLA	1349	121
13	RÓISÍNS XI	1336	73
14	BIRMINGHAM SHITTY	1270	134
15	FECK-ARSE-NIL	1267	117
16	LUKE PERRY ALL-STARS	1241	143
17	CRAZYHORSE FC	1235	144
18	PATRICK DUFFY THISTLE	1233	166
19	BILL S PRESTON NORTH END	1229	166
20	HICKY'S HEROES	1212	72
21	WHATEVER	1206	89
22	THE DARLING DUBS THAT PLAY	1182	84
23	WOODBOURNE ROVERS	1135	86
24	A TASTE OF THE RAJ	1123	142
25	LION OF VIENNA SLEEPS TONIGHT	1108	124
26	CLINT BIZZELL JUNIORS	1094	106
27	BILLY'S BOOTS	1026	65
28	DUCK UTD	957	105
29	OH SHEFFIELD	839	113
30	LONE RANGERS RETURN	812	91