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 Keane As Mustard
 Lion of Vienna Sleeps
    Tonight

 Luke Perry All-Stars
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 Oh Sheffield
 Roísíns XI
 Salford Strokers
 Soft Centres
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Last poll:
Who has been the biggest waste of money so far?


1. Jaap Stam
27 votes (18%)

2. Sergei Rebrov
23 votes (15%)

3. Mark Schwarzer
21 votes (14%)

 
 

AND THAT MRS JACKSON SAID RICKETTS WAS BAD FOR YOU...

Dear John,

By the time you read this, I'll be gone. I've had enough of your constant whining and moaning about how poorly your team is doing. You don't care about me or the kids. All you care about is that ruddy fantasy football team of yours.

I don't know why you bother. It's not as if your team is any good. Every year you select a mediocre forward line and a midfield made up of injury-prone penalty takers. I don't know why you just don't follow the example of that nice fellow down the road who manages the Salford Strokers?

Michael Ricketts was thrilled the day the Arse stood still...
He's been top for the last three weeks now and doesn't look like losing it at the mo. A good attacking force of Saha and Ricketts, coupled with a defence built around Rio Ferdinand and Sami Hyppia has insured that his team continually scores well. I had my doubts when you started complaining that you couldn't find Peter Osgood in the Chelsea line-up.

I should have listened to my mother and ran off with that nice fellow from the "1FC Laundromat" on the High Street. He always scores well and would've kept me in soap suds for as long as I lived. He may be second best at the mo but he's still a thousand times better than you.

I only have to look down the table to find an improvement on you and it is not only the men. Even the women are better than you! That Liverpudlian lass from the estate, Spakatak Toxteth, is in the Top Ten while those Darling Dubs are shooting up the table like there's no tomorrow.

I don't know where it all went wrong, I truly don't. Just take a look around you! Look at Crazyhorse FC - 61 points this week! 61 POINTS!!! How do you explain that, eh?

All I hear is the usual "I'm so unlucky with injures/loss of form/transfers!" And I'm fed up with it. If Birmingham Shitty can score well anyone can! And don't give me that tripe about him "missing an angel" in the first two weeks. It won't wash with me. And I don't want to hear anything about your players going missing in Europe neither!

I'm leaving you and taking the kids with me. If you want me I'll be at my mother's. I've paid off that nice man Mr Voce for that hotel room so you don't have to worry about that. Oh, and if you want your scores, you'll find them on the table.

Audrey.

POS TEAM PTS SC  
1 SALFORD STROKERS 282 64
2 1FC LAUNDROMAT 276 65
3 FECK-ARSE-NIL 253 56
4 KEANE AS MUSTARD 252 71
5 GAZTON VILLA 248 66
6 CRUMBS DM 227 56
7 RÓISÍNS XI 219 47
8 SPAKATAK TOXTETH 215 49
9 AOIFE'S XI 214 48
10 LUKE PERRY ALL-STARS 208 44
11 TORPEDO BERMONDSEY 206 47
12 SUPERSONIC FC 206 40
13 THE DARLING DUBS THAT PLAY 204 61
14 SOFT CENTRES 204 33
15 1897 - THE GOLDEN YEAR 198 46
16 PATRICK DUFFY THISTLE 195 43
17 BILLY'S BOOTS 193 34
18 CLINT BIZZELL JUNIORS 188 62
19 WOODBOURNE ROVERS 187 45
20 CRAZYHORSE FC 185 61
21 A TASTE OF THE RAJ 177 57
22 ATHLETICO SALFORD 173 29
23 LION OF VIENNA SLEEPS TONIGHT 166 29
24 LONE RANGERS RETURN 159 27
25 BILL S PRESTON NORTH END 150 22
26 DUCK UTD 149 41
27 BIRMINGHAM SHITTY 148 58
28 WHATEVER 132 28
29 HICKY'S HEROES 117 14
30 OH SHEFFIELD 86 21