Devoid of inspiration, both off and on the pitch, this week's report has a rather somber mood about it as the realization that my team is shite has finally sunk in…Looking for excuses for the team's performance, I turn not to Alan Smith of Crystal Palace for inspiration but to Tommy Brown, erstwhile gaffer to Billy the Fish, because at the end of the day, the team with the most points will win the League…and at the moment, that team won't be St. Reatham FC.

True, Mark's team is sitting pretty on top of the League for the third week running but he has yet to open up a significant gap between himself and second place Duck United. With just nine points separating them, if the Dreamteam ended tomorrow, Karen would win thanks to Teddy Sheringham. In case you've forgotten, the player who scores the most points over the course of the season, get a bonus twenty points and at this moment in time, "Ready, Steady, Teddy Sheringham" is the player in pole position. In order to be sure of victory, Mark would need to open up a gap of twenty-one points…

Having been told he walked on water, Teddy started taking the "Son of God" comparisons a tad too seriously...

But at the moment, Mark should be less concerned with Karen and more worried about the up-turn in fortunes of Bill S Preston North End. Ron's "other good" team have been quietly going about their business over the past couple of weeks, collecting points and lie just 43 points off of top spot. Going well too are the Luke Perry All-stars, so instead of being "in the money", Darnbrook could find himself "Munsoned", or as we like to call it "Ashished", in the final furlong.

Top scorers this week were, surprisingly, Athletico Salford with a score of 46. It didn't move them very far up the table but this could be a good omen for Craig and his boys - fifteenth place is now within their grasp. Lowest scorers of the week were the Villa Rejects, who managed just seven. This was enough to move them down the table, allowing Patrick Duffy Thistle to continue their climb up the rankings.

A gap has now opened between the leaders and the chasing pack but with the Christmas fixture list coming up - not to mention the Third Round of the FA Cup - all this could change, as it is very likely that one of the Premiership big boys will hammer one of the minnows from the minor leagues 48-0, with Bertie Bigbollox scoring a double hat trick. The transfer window also opens in the New Year - halleluiah, I hear you cry - where you'll be able to swap up to three of your players. Rules and whatnot for this will posted at a later date.

That's it for this week except to say that we will confirm the venue for the Dreamteam Christmas Drinkie-poos sometime later this week. Table follows. Cheerio.