MEET THE MANAGER
|THIS WEEK: BOB MONKHOUSE
Age: Younger than Neil. Older than Gary.
Reason for knowing Gary or Neil: LSE blah blah blah. Lived in same halls as Gary. Lived next door for a bit. His socks smelt. Know Neil because I insisted on drowning out his sister's kareoke version of Toni Basil's "Hey Mickey" by shouting my own name repeatedly at the top of my voice. Toni Basil liked my version so much that she is re-recording the song as "Hey Nity".
Clothing measurement of Choice: Ring size P
Fascinating fact: The word for "yes" in Tamil means "tortoise" in Malayalam. This makes for a hilarious joke which I will share with anyone who wants to hear it. And lots of people who don't.
Teams: A Taste of the Raj
Hey Nity, how was the honeymoon? She's a little minx. My wife was quite nice too.
Were you pleased that your speech was funnier than your brother's (seeing as his was written by Gary)? Gary always gets upset when other people point out that I am funnier than him so I won't comment on this at all.
Getting back to the football, are you pleased that you're not last this year? No, because I didn't have to pay last year as a result.
So who would you most like to beat between now and the end of the season? Ash seeing as he picked my team and promised I would come at least second.
Do you think you can still nab the Fair Play Award? No. I never play fair. It's in my contract.
Your form is very similar to Tottenham Hotspur - why do you support the Lilywhites? They were quite good when I started supporting them in 1982.
Can you name any of their players? Steve Archibald, Ozzie Ardilles, Glen Hoddle...erm....oh yeah, and
If your Dreamteam Jumbo Jet was heading into the ocean, which of your players would you surrender your parachute to? Who are my players again?
And which one would you kick out of the plane regardless? Can I just kick Ash out? He's our coach.
Is it true you once failed the height restrictions to a theme park ride? It is true but I was brave enough to open my eyes during said ride (and ride the thing twice) which is more than some people did....
Finally, as we all know, lawyers never do anything for nothing. So, how much are all these answers costing us? I'll do it for free if you'll let me do a duet with Tasha again. Ooo-er missus.